dreamsofbaby

10:38 am: D's 18 month stats
I called the pedi yesterday to get D's stats from his checkup last Tuesday. He was 27 lb, 8 oz and 34.8 inches tall! That puts him in the 70th percentile for weight and the 100th percentile for height! Richard said that he spiked in height even on his own growth curve so we haven't been imagining that he seems taller!

09:24 am: Darwin is 18 months!
So first off, I just want to post a quick update on TTC to say that Richard and I have given up ttc #2 and have decided to try to be satisfied with being a one child family. We can't afford the next step in treatment so we're done. It is incredibly sad, but there's nothing we can do about it. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, but I'm getting there slowly.

Now the BIG NEWS is that Darwin is 18 months old! Such a big boy! I was unable to go to his 18 month checkup this past Tuesday, Dec 1st because I was sick with gastroenteritis. Darwin had it on Monday and Richard had it on Wednesday. So Richard didn't get the length and weight info so I will have to call the doc for that and post it later. Richard said he didn't like having his ears checked, but he did really well with his one shot.

He is becoming so smart and his imagination is growing by leaps and bounds. Two weeks ago he was playing with Richard's watch and he would put it on his wrist, give me a kiss, give Daddy a kiss, say "bye bye" (CLEARLY now, not bah, but BYE) and walk away. Then he would walk back, take the watch off, then put it back on and repeat! It was too cute for words!

He likes to try to grab things from his books, especially the tires from cars and trucks. Another thing he does with his books is any time there's food he likes to pretend to take a bite of the page and go "mmmmmmm!" It cracks me up!

He went through a really rough sleep patch for a couple of weeks, but we're finally getting back into the routine. For a while there he was throwing a major fit every time I laid him down. I rearranged his room so that could have something to do with it. Just the past few mornings he's been sleeping in past 6am and taking decent naps.

Yesterday we had a great time spinning in circles and rolling round on the floor, tickling, laughing, and being generally silly. I was struck with the joy of being Darwin's mommy and thought how LUCKY I am to have him. It was the closest to a glimmer of acceptance of him being my one and only that I've had yet. I'm hoping that not ttc will make me feel freer to just enjoy Darwin. Not that I haven't been enjoying him, just maybe I can focus on it more than ever.

The illness we all just got over means that Richard will be missing a day of pay on his next check, which means that what I've gotten for D's Christmas so far will most likely be all I can get. I'm really disappointed about it. I know he won't remember it, but I still wanted it to be a great Christmas for him. Now he's just going to get a bunch of puzzles and a few books and that's it. I'm REALLY bummed. There is really no way to explain how upset I am over it. And I'm still a bit resentful towards Richard for choosing to buy a video game instead of buying some more Christmas presents for D a month ago. That could have been the difference between a good Christmas (still not great) and a barely okay one. Plus we can't get a tree or anything so basically this Christmas is rotten. I wish I could just enjoy it, but we don't have any traditions as a family to enjoy (not even decorating) and now we don't even have a slew of presents for D like we did last year. It makes me want to cry.

I know there were more little stories I wanted to tell, but I can't think of them off the top of my head. I will add them as I think of them.

Happy 18 months, little D!

10:01 am: CD 22 - Progesterone
So I called for my CD21 progesterone levels and they were only 1.3 on 100mg Clomid. So where 100mg worked for me in the past, it did not work this time. It has to be a level of 5 or higher to indicate ovulation, so I wasn't even close. I'm really bummed. REALLY REALLY REALLY bummed. I let myself get excited that this would be my cycle and it isn't. I'm thinking maybe it never will be. Maybe I'm putting myself through all this for nothing. I've been SO SICK so many days this month, nauseous and headaches and it was all for nothing! Richard and I didn't continue bd-ing after cd16 because I honestly thought I had o-ed. So this cycle is totally out. I'm feeling very defeated right now.

08:40 am: CD 18
So I'm on Clomid cycle #2 and I think I ovulated! YAY! CM is sticky and thick now and yesterday CP was high, firm, and closed. I still need to check again today to compare, but I'm hopeful that it will be closed still. If so, I'm done bd-ing for the month and just waiting for time to poas! I think if I o-ed it was on cd14, so I'm 4dpo today. I'm really letting myself get hopeful that maybe this is my month! COME ON, BFP!

08:35 am: Darwin update
So he will occasionally point to his hair and his eyes and mouth now, but he has to be completely unoccupied to get him to do it. He's not like Maci. She used to drop whatever she was doing to point to body parts if you asked her to. Darwin will totally ignore me unless he isn't playing with anything else. If he's got something going on that he thinks is slightly more interesting, I can forget it!

He LOVES Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and he now will hold his hands up beside his mouth and yell for Tootles! It sounds like "TOO- DOE!" It's awesome!

He's learning new words all the time now. It's getting harder to keep track.

His canine teeth on the bottom still haven't broken through, but he's biting and chewing on his fingers all the time so I know they're slowly working their way through.

08:42 am: Body parts
Darwin now says "mouth" (without the "th" sound). He also says "butt"! Yesterday for the first time ever he FINALLY pointed to some body parts! He's been pointing out "penis" for a while and he now points out "butt" (in the front though - I think he thinks "butt" means "diaper"), "head", "mouth", "nose", and "foot"! We were working on pointing out his belly and his hair and eyes because he knows where those are and I got him to point out "hair" once, but no luck on eyes or belly yet! But we're working on it! It's so fun!

11:59 am: Growing vocab
D now says...

Bubble
No (No NO NO NO!)
Go (go go go go!)
Mouth (owwww)
Butt (Buh)
Cheeeese! (when taking his picture)

09:17 am: TTC Update - CD 35
Looks like the first Clomid cycle was a bust. I tested this morning and bfn. I'm obviously not happy about it, but not terribly surprised either. If God really wants to shock me, He should make the Clomid work! THAT would shock me! As it is, bfn's are just getting to be old news anymore.

09:00 am: 15 Month Checkup
D had his 15 month checkup yesterday. He was 25 lbs, 11 oz and 33 inches long! That puts him in the 60th percentile on weight and the 93rd percentile on height! Such a big boy! The doc said he's slimming down because he's more active, which is normal for his age.

He acted like the nurse was trying to kill him when they measured his length. He absolutely did NOT want to lay there and be measured! But when we got back to the exam room and the nurse left he settled down and started playing with his toy car and pointing to a "ball" on the wallpaper, which was actually dots. He was great for the doctor. He did everything she wanted, even let her look in his ears and mouth!

She was very impressed that he's around the 30 word mark or more on his vocab (which, by the way, he learned the word "car" just between home and the doc's office). She said he's way ahead verbally and on track physically. He's a healthy boy!

He had to have shots, which he of course hated because it involved holding him down and two pokes, but he settled immediately because super-mom was smart enough to pack fruit twists that he LOVES so I just made sure Richard had one out and ready for when he was done with his shots. Then we had to go to the lab for a blood draw to check his lead and iron levels. Another hold down and poke, which I thought would be awful this time, but he only struggled a moment and then just gave up and laid there crying (SO SAD!), but once more he was consoled immediately by a second fruit twist. I'll pay the price for the fruit twists today when I change his poopy diaper, but it was worth it to have him calm so quickly. He's such a GOOD BOY! I really couldn't believe how wonderful he was!

The doc was asking a lot of questions about if he coughs at night because of us talking about how sensitive his skin is. Richard and I think she was checking for signs of asthma. He has been coughing at night for the past few nights, but only since we got rid of his humidifier and now he's coughing during the day too. I think maybe he's coming down with something. But he's still playing and having fun, so he must not feel too terrible.

I just love my baby so much! He's perfect!

01:49 pm: Learning all the time and more teeth
D's top left canine is broken through and the top right feels like it's almost through too! That will be tooth number 13 and 14! What a big boy!

He's constantly learning new things. This past weekend Richard showed him that being silly is waving your hands in the air while shaking your head side to side and making weird noises and D imitated him. We got it on video. So cute! I taught him "happy feet" this weekend too and he still will do it when I ask him to. I also caught on video him almost hitting his head on the wall and I told him, "Watch your head!" and he instantly grabbed his head, yelled, and then intentionally banged his head on the wall! So he DEFINITELY knows where his head is. He also can successfully identify eyes, nose, and mouth, but only in pictures or on me, not on himself. According to all the development books that should start happening any time now!

Darwin follows simple directions so well now too. If I tell him to get a book or get his ball, he will go get what he was asked to get. If I tell him we need to put his shoes on, he grabs his shoes and brings them to me, but then proceeds to fight me at putting them on! Silly boy! We can whisper "bath" in his ear and he will instantly go to the stair gate to try to get upstairs to the tub. He's just really beginning to UNDERSTAND everything!

08:45 am: Getting SOOOO smart!
Darwin is getting sick smart! Yesterday morning we were reading his Grover book and there's different animals on the pages. He pointed to the rooster and said "AH OOOOOOO!" (for cock-a-doodle-doo) and then pointed at the dog and said, "WOO WOO WOO!" (for woof woof). Then yesterday afternoon he was reading a Dr. Seuss book and pointed at the train and said, "CHOO CHOO!" clear as day! He loves sounds things make. I just showed him a bird in a book and told him it says, "Tweet! Tweet!" and he tried so hard to imitate that sound right away! I think he's going to figure out that a cow says "Moo!" soon because he's always pointing to cows in books and wanting me to remind him of what they say.

He also says and recognizes "apple" and "eyes" consistently. I'm trying to teach him to point to body parts, but he isn't really interested. He will point to my nose with lots of encouragement, but he likes to put his finger IN my nose, not point to it. I think he only complies after coaxing because he realizes it's an invitation to pick my nose! LOL Crazy kid! He still knows and instantly "points" to his penis when asked where it is. Such a boy!

08:36 am: CD12
So yesterday's opk was still negative, but it was darker than the one from the previous day. Today it looks the same, but it looks like some of the darkness smeared on down the stick when it dried out, maybe from having it touching the previous day's opk before it was totally dry. Anyway, I'm hoping this means I'm moving in the right direction. I've had ewcm and dry cm off and on so I don't really know what to make of that other than if I get a positive opk and still have dry cm I will use a sperm-friendly lubrication. But that's a bit ahead of things. I need that positive opk first!

08:19 am: My sweet Darwin!
Darwin opens his toy phone and holds it correctly up to the side of his head and yells into it now. He thinks it is the funnest game! He also will take keys to the door knob and try to "unlock" the door with them.

He now regularly says "bup" for "up" and very clearly says "down"! He also said apple a couple of days ago and it sounded like "asshole"! I've been trying to get him to say it again ever since, but he won't. He also says "yes", but the "s" is kind of lispy, which is uber-cute!

I tickle his little shoulders and they shrug up and he giggles. It is so stinking adorable!

He loves to walk in circles or walk back and forth over interesting barriers. At the airport he walked over the dividers on the floor over and over again and yesterday and St. Mary while visiting his grampy, he walked over a parking spot curb over and over while holding my hand. He pulled away and I was worried that he would attempt on his own (he does good on the stepping up, but not so much on the down part), but he dropped to his knees and crawled over it a couple of times before reaching for my hand again so he could walk over it some more.

Oh! He also says "please" now (sounds like "peas") and he was using it to manipulate his aunt Alex yesterday into getting him more and more and more lemonade because she couldn't resist his twinkly little eyes looking all desperate as he meekly asked, "Peas?" LOL SUCKER!

10:00 am: Vocabulary
Some words Darwin is saying consistently now are...

Uh Oh!
Thank you! (sounds like dane ooooooo)
tickle
eyes (He will identify eyes on a picture or toy when he says the word.)
book (pronounced without the "k")

He also said "apple" for the first time this morning, but it sounded CLEAR AS DAY like "asshole"! LOL

04:40 pm: Bottom molar through!
D's bottom left molar is through now! The bottom right feels like one spot may be through when he bites down, but it isn't definitive yet.

08:08 am: TTC update - CD39
The past three days I had a second bout of ewcm so Richard and I bd-ed twice over the past three days just in case. I'm hoping that I just am ovulating late so I still am not out of the running for this cycle, but who knows? As it is it looks like if af isn't here I will be testing while I'm in DC.

08:06 am: Walking for real now!
D also had a HUGE breakthrough this past weekend on the walking front. All week last week he would take a few steps, but we had to encourage him. We would set him on his feet and unless he was in a perfectly pleasant mood he would refuse to even stand. Well, this weekend he figured out that his hands are free to do things when he walks! He would walk around rotating his wrists and staring at his hands and laughing. He would walk into the walls because he was so focused on his hands! It was too cute! So, once he figured out his hands are free and he can carry things without a hassle when on his feet he has now decided that walking is THE WAY to get around! :) He's walking all over the place! I'm so proud of him!

08:04 am: Teeth
D has one top molar through on both sides and I can see the bottoms through the gums and feel them when he bites down. I give it another day or two before they're through! He's got chompers!

12:58 pm: Another tooth & walking progression
Darwin now has a molar broken through both sides on the top. The bottoms on both sides are still very swollen, but nothing has broken through yet. He is progressing on his walking pretty slowly. He will take steps here and there with encouragement, but crawling is still his preferred method for getting from point A to point B. I figured out today that if I stand him up and give him a big ball to hold that he needs both hands with he will walk further. He has great balance, just no motivation.

12:56 pm: BFN
Well, this was my 7th cycle of ttc, the 9th month and I had a bfn on cd30 and again on cd34. Looks like soy didn't work out. On to Clomid next!